I'm Back, Part III

Have you read Part I?
How about Part II?

I'm a sports guy, so you can plan on getting a lot of sports comparisons as you read on. Here's your first:

A long snapper in the NFL is essentially an offensive lineman who wasn't quite good enough to play full time. I don't know a lot of long snappers personally, but I feel pretty comfortable saying that, as kids, I doubt most of those playing today were dreaming about only playing during punts or extra point attempts. I'd dare say that most saw themselves throwing a game-winning pass, making a touchdown-saving tackle, or even making that incredible block that freed the running back for a score. For one reason or another, things don't always work out, and these guys end up not as game savers, but spot players. Now, you can't take anything away from a long snapper. There are no accolades, no MVP trophies, no parades, but these guys are NFL players, even if they aren't doing it the way they thought they would. Instead, they've been able to fill an important role on their team, and they are filling that role to the best of their ability willingly.

The situation is pretty similar for me. I've always pictured myself as a media powerhouse. I wanted to schmooze in the press boxes, make friends with the players, and write stories that people read, loved, and shared with others. For some reason, not for lack of effort, things didn't work out for me, and I'm playing a different “position.” Do I like it? Not really, no. That said, my family needs me to do this right now, so I'm willing to do it.

I've spent time asking “why me?”, but the only answer I ever got was that it didn't matter why. All that mattered was that I do what's required of me, and that's what I'm trying to do. Sure, it's frustrating some days, even depressing, but I also realize how lucky I am to get this time. My daughters are four and two – some of the most entertaining years of a child's development. They keep me busy, they keep me entertained, and they keep me doing what I can to make myself better as a man, husband, and father.

What you're going to read on the following pages are what I affectionately refer to as “The Adventures of SuperDad.” Not saying there's anything special about me, because there isn't. It just dawned on me one day as I was folding one of those stupid, bottom sheets (I have no clue how to fold those freaking things), that I could either hate this life, or embrace it. It could destroy me, or it could fuel me. It could be my kryptonite, or it could be my Lois Lane. I don't know what that meant, it just seemed like a good place for a Superman reference. It won't be my last.

Every day, every decision, is an adventure. My kids love poop, they hate baths, and they scream louder than anything I've ever heard. But this book isn't really about them, it's about me.

My name is Kevin Antcliff, and I am a stay-at-home dad.

I'm Back, Part II

Have you read Part I, yet?

In late 2008, the economy took a Greg Louganis-like dive into the crapper, and the time to build start-ups had come to an end. So began our search for regular, dependable, full-time employment. We needed something steady to pay the bills, and keep food on our table, and it was not an easy search. Unemployment was at or near a 25-year high, and we were both looking for work in fields filled with quality, experienced individuals, and not much in the way of openings. To say it was an uphill battle would be one of those “understatements” people love to use so much.

After a few weeks of searching and discussing what we needed to do to ensure our family was able to afford luxuries such as rent and gas, Becky was able to latch on to a growing marketing company north of Denver. So, it was decided that Becky would work, and I would keep looking, hoping to get my hands on something I could do from home to keep myself sane.

I searched, and I hunted, I prospected, and I even did some mild begging. No matter what I tried, and no matter who I talked to, I just could not find a thing. I went after any job I had the ability to perform. The problem is, there are a lot of extra challenges in a household with one working parent. For example, I could look for a third shift job, sure. Now, those shifts normally start anywhere from 10 to midnight. So, Becky would get home at 6:30 PM, I'd spend some time with her, sleep for an hour, get up and ready, drive to work, work my shift, and get home at 6:30 AM – the same time Becky leaves for work. My hour of sleep per day could be a problem. How about second shift? Sure, I could do that. I'd just need to pay somebody to watch the kids from 3:30 PM to 6:30 PM every night, and the job would have to pay enough to allow us to get a second car (since Becky would have our truck), gas for the car, and insurance for the car. What about a regular, 9-5 job? I'd love one, but I'd have to make enough money to allow us to afford full-time child care, the second car/gas combo, and give us enough left over to make it worth our while.

Don't get me wrong. I looked for any job that even came remotely close to meeting any of the above requirements. I don't want anybody to think that I was holding out for that one, perfect job. In fact, as I prepared to write this book, I went back and did some research. From August of 2008 through March of 2009, I sent out over 450 resumes. Of those 450, not one produced a call back, much less an interview. It's a sobering, and somewhat depressing, realization to come to: Nobody wants you.

Part III tomorrow...

I'm Back

It should be noted that what you're about to read was written in March of 2009. It was originally the intro to a book, but that idea fizzled a bit, and now I blog. A lot has changed, which I'll update you on later. For now, this is what you need to know about me. Enjoy...

There are a few things I probably ought to clear up before I get too far, here. Yes, this is a book about being a stay-at-home dad (SAHD). Yes, there will be some humor, and hopefully some inspiration. That said, I'm not a SAHD of my own free will. Truth be told, I'd rather be out there in the “real world,” earning a paycheck, growing a business, covering a game, or interviewing a coach. In all honesty, the only reason you're able to read this is that nobody ever offered me a job, meaning I had lots of time to sit down and write this. No, a job in that world just is not in the cards for me right now, so I'm filling the role that needs to be filled to the best of my abilities.

Over the last several years, I've done a little bit of everything. In the years just before I was married, I was a retail security guy. I was the one hiding behind racks of bras watching kids shove DVD players into their pants, then tackling them at the door as they futilely attempted to evade capture. From loss prevention, I moved on to journalism. I did some online sports writing, and within a year, the opportunity presented itself for me to start my own sports magazine in Michigan. For about 16 months I worked my tail off to take that magazine from “idea” all the way to seeing it on store shelves. I hired writers, assigned stories, managed the staff, and so on. I loved it. My wife (who served as my Art Director) and I had to give up our spots at the magazine due to some personal reasons after our fourth issue. It was a tough call, and one that I often look back on and regret. After that, I just kind of floated around. I spent some time back in loss prevention, did some online work for a sports publication in Denver, and even tried to start my own marketing company. Nothing worked.

Meanwhile, Becky (the wife) was blossoming into a talented graphic artist. She was sought out by businesses large and small wherever we lived thanks to her print and web design know-how and talent. There is really nothing she can't do. And if there is anything she can't do, give her ten minutes, and she'll figure it out. Her portfolio was growing by the week, each new project more impressive than the last. It seemed to work out well for both of us, as we were able to combine her talents and my ideas to start or work with several start up operations. In fact, during the first seven years of our marriage, we worked together for just over four of them, nearly all of those from our home office.

It was incredible to be able to spend that time at home with Becky. We could work around our personal schedules, spend time with the kids, and even share the household responsibilities. For a proud guy like myself, having to do a little cleaning, or a few diaper changes isn't overwhelming. It was the perfect balance. And for a 6' 8”, 300 pound, shaven-headed dude who has a secret goal of being a mixed martial artist, a balance like this is huge.

More tomorrow...